1) My in-laws clean out foreclosed homes
2) I'm a shopaholic and staying at home all day is not helping
3) My husband told me I'm not allowed to talk about him or anything that happens between us in my blog.
Enjoy.
So we went to my in-laws' house for Labor Day. As we were making our way through the garage, I saw a mounted deer head staring at me from the ground. What. The. F. "Yeah we found this in a home. We can't give it away!" my mother-in-law said. Can't imagine why.
"That thing creeps me out. It keeps staring at me," my father-in-law alerted me. Noted.
So about an hour later, after I've randomly popped around the house letting Bubba (the deer) stare at my father-in-law through the windows, we're playing with Jackson on the floor when someone (ahem) gets the idea to put Jackson on the deer head. Like he's riding it. Pretty bad ass, right? I thought so. So after some laughs and questionable positions (as to their safety, not their appropriateness), we did the normal new parent move: CAMERA TIME!!!!
After clicking and reclicking our crappy camera, we realized we were not going to get a good picture. They were all blurry. I tried taking a few other pictures and realized they were all blurry too, regardless of playing with the settings. Aw heck naw. This isn't going to work for this obsessive mother. To the internet to find the best camera our pittance of an income can buy! I will dedicate myself to finding the best camera for the least amount of money. I love a good bargain. It's like a win in the game of capitalism. If I find out someone got something I have for less than what I paid, I vomit in my mouth a little.
Today I posted on Facebook that I need a good camera and I need recommendations pronto. I immediately get a message from my husband: "What did you do to our camera?" A brief history; I am terrible with electronics. I've lost countless phones (due to alcohol), been present for the malfunction of many computers (I refuse to say that I broke them. I was just using then when they stopped working. Coincidence I say, but Basement Bobby and my husband aren't buying it.), and broken one camera (due to a bat flying into me in Africa. At least I'm telling everyone it was bat. Besides, what was I supposed to do? It was kill or be killed, and the camera was a casualty in my plight.) So my husband assumed I broke the camera. I think it's a faulty product.
Regardless I can smell the panic in his message. This should be fun. So I explain to him that I didn't do anything to anything, and then ask for his log in to use his points he earns at work. If he gets good customer reviews, he gets points to purchase products from their little inventory. Well, little isn't appropriate. They have everything. Vacations, tool, baby toys....AND CAMERAS!
He automatically comes back with, "I don't have enough point for a camera." I know this is true, but I also know he's stocking these points away for something for himself. I'm fine with this, he doesn't do much for himself, but I can't resist an opportunity to mess with him. South Africans are like Italians: hot tempered and quick to react. Excellent.
"I know I just want to look." He gave me his log in information. Darn it, no bite. So someone asks me what my price range is in response to my status. "Under $1000," I respond. This should do it. No messages. "What time will you be home?" I ask, poking to see if I'm being ignored."
"I don't know. We're pretty dead." Huh.... this is odd. Maybe he's fine with the $1000 camera idea? Sweet. So this game has lost my interest. I start unpacking a box I got from UPS. My video baby monitor has come! I put a ton of thought, research, and soul into choosing this baby monitor. Then I see a golden opportunity for more antics: "I got the video monitor!!!! Do we have screws?" I message.
"For?" he responds.
"To mount the camera for the baby monitor." Aw yeah. I can see it now: "We're not going to destroy the wall to mount a camera! We already have a perfectly fine baby monitor! We'd have to repaint the wall..." or maybe even, "Do not even THINK about mounting that yourself."
"I'll take care of it when I get home." Seriously? I'm not comfortable with this composed, even-tempered version of my husband. I'm very confused.
On a related note I've realized I have way too much time on my hands so here are my Pinterest goals for the week:
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| This will be my endeavor for dinner tonight: sweet potatoes for one. |
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| Making this for my friend, except I'm putting fake pearl strands on it instead of painting them on. But I'll also need to make.... |
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| A homemade bow. Because I can never find exactly what I want. |
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| This is easily the most scary. I have no artistic ability at all. |
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| This is an on-going project. Mine will be a bit different, but same idea. |
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| And I'm between making this (banana oat breakfast cookies)... |
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| And Banana Peanut Butter Oatmeal Squares |
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| And finally...a cheap baby toy with scrap fabric. |
Wish me luck!
*****UPDATE*****
Strange events continued throughout the day with my husband. He came home, went to the store for me, went BACK to the store after dinner when I mentioned craving sweets, bought two different types of sweets I was craving, hung the baby monitor, and took out the trash. I don't really know what's going on. Two logical options: either he's suddenly decided to be the perfect husband and developed overnight this intrinsic knowledge of exactly what I need from him (cookies) or he has a twin that I never knew about who has been lurking in the underbellies of society, came back in his life, killed him, took over his identity and turns out to be a pretty awesome guy. I'm not asking questions. I've seen enough Mob Wives to know to respect the code of silence.
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