OK, so I was a bit of a Debbie Downer in my last post and I know all of my followers (all three of you) come here for my clever witticisms and brilliant, self-deprecating humor. But I come here to vomit my mind. If my mental puke makes its way onto your sidewalk, I can only hope that you appreciate getting a little on your shoe. If not, oh well, it's on there anyway.
Anyhoo, I have made pretty substantial strides to reclaiming myself. I've gone walking multiple times this week and have the shin splint to prove it; I went to the tanning bed; and most importantly I GOT MY EYEBROWS WAXED!!!!!!!! This is a major accomplishment in my life. Seriously, they were getting so bushy they itched. It may have been in my head, but it felt like little creatures had inhabited my tiny face forests. When the tore the wax off my face, I didn't hear the desperate cries of a geographically transplanted species, so it probably was all in my head.
In television news The Real Housewives of New Jersey is about to be over (sad), the Falcons are 4-0 (woo hoo!), and I have started to fall for an entire new show: Breaking Amish. That's right, TLC has once again put forth an absolutely ridiculous premise for a show, and it has stolen my heart. 4 Amish and 1 Mennonite 20- Somethings break Amish/Mennonite tradition and go to New York to see if they want to break away from their home culture forever and most likely be shunned/disowned by their family and friends. Bring it on TLC. I can handle your heartbreaking tales of failure and triumph!
Things I have learned from Breaking Amish:
1) I'm super glad I have all my teeth.
2) I must have been so fucking annoying when I was a drunk 18 year old.
3) The preachers' kids are always the worst influences.
4) Apparently red is too bright for Amish women to wear, but bright blue and lime green are ok.
5) Amish people do not cry.
6) Amish pluck their eyebrows.
7) There are red neck Amish men out there who drive with their mouths open. Kristen Stewart style.
I would not make it as an Amish woman.
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